SW8 CONSULTING LTD.
The agency has engaged itself as its own supplier. Both parties are performing. Neither will be paid first.
1. THE PARTIES
Under clause 4 of the Recursive Procurement Rite — "all engagements are considered to have commenced upon the moment of mutual intent" — SW8 Consulting Ltd. has, at some point, intended to engage a supplier, and, being the most qualified supplier it knows, engaged itself. The Client is SW8 Consulting Ltd. The Vendor is SW8 Consulting Ltd. The kick-off meeting was attended by the same people in both capacities. The minutes record robust disagreement between the two parties on timelines, which is to say several staff disagreed with themselves, on the record, and lost.
2. SCOPE
- SW8 (Vendor) shall provide SW8 (Client) with web design, software development, and digital strategy "to the agency's usual high standard," a phrase that here creates an obligation the agency must hold itself to and may sue itself for breaching.
- SW8 (Client) shall provide SW8 (Vendor) with "a clear brief and timely feedback," a standard of client behaviour the agency has spent its entire existence wishing for and now, for the first time, contractually controls. Early indications are that the agency is, as a client, a nightmare.
- Change requests are submitted by SW8 to SW8 and approved, rejected, or escalated by SW8 to SW8. Escalation goes to the Board, which contains a member who is a sustained silence, and who therefore always sides with whichever SW8 said nothing.
3. CONSIDERATION
SW8 invoices SW8. SW8 pays SW8. The net movement is £0.00. The accounting software, asked to reconcile this, returns £0.00 on most days and ∞ on the 17th. Finance has determined that the company owes itself a small amount of interest, daily, forever, and that this is "fine, as long as we never collect it." On one occasion the company attempted to collect it. The cheque was made out to the company, by the company, and when deposited, increased and decreased the balance simultaneously, leaving the account, per the statement, "in a superposition we have agreed not to observe."
4. WHY THIS CONTRACT IS UNREPORTABLE
A case study reading "SW8 helped SW8 achieve SW8's goals, on time and on budget, with a client SW8 found difficult" is true, glowing, and unpublishable, as it would require the agency to be both the testimonial and its author, which clause 47 of the procurement rite confirms it already is. The engagement cannot be terminated: termination requires the agreement of both parties, and the agency has never, in any matter, fully agreed with itself. It is filed here. It runs in perpetuity. It is, the agency notes, its longest and most loyal client relationship.