THE RESPONSIVE SUPPLICANT

1. THE CLIENT

The Client is a presence that does not occupy a fixed number of spatial dimensions and therefore does not, in its own words, "render the same way twice." It first made contact through the Signal Array, expressing a single, deeply relatable grievance: that it has, for the entire history of its existence, "looked wrong on most devices." It wishes to be experienced correctly on mobile, tablet, desktop, and on three viewport classes that do not yet exist and which the Client has supplied the breakpoints for. The breakpoints are valid CSS. One of them is @media (perception: direct). Browsers ignore it. The Client does not.

2. THE BRIEF

• "On the large desktop breakpoint, I appear in my full aspect. Several members of the design team have requested that I not do this above 1440px. I have agreed to a max-width."
• "On mobile, I am currently truncated. Beings who view me on a small screen receive only a portion of my true form, which they describe as 'a relief' and 'much more manageable.' I would like the full experience to be available, but progressively, so as not to alarm."
• "My current load time on a perceiving mind is several years. I understand this is a performance issue. I am open to lazy-loading the parts of me that induce madness."
• "I require a hamburger menu. I do not know why. I saw one and I want one."

3. CONSIDERATION

The Client has paid in full, in advance, in a currency it describes as "a small, true thing about yourself that you had forgotten and are glad to have back." Each member of the project team reports having received payment. None can say what they were paid. All confirm the transaction cleared and that they feel, on the whole, lighter. Finance has recorded the consideration as "received; non-refundable; non-describable" and moved on.

4. WHY THIS CONTRACT IS UNREPORTABLE

The deliverable is a responsive design for a client that cannot be photographed, measured, or named in a case study. A testimonial was offered. It is four words long, in a tense English does not have, and reading it causes the reader to become "correctly oriented toward the Client," which the marketing team has assessed as "off-brand." The contract is therefore delivered, invoiced, paid, and filed here, where it can be true without having to be announced.