06 November 1994
We are looking for publishers. That is the official phrase, very brisk and civilised. In practice it means the manuscript is travelling through London in envelopes and coming back with different forms of no.
One editor liked the voice but could not place the book. Another admired the construction but worried about the market. A third said the opening had "unusual force", which I have decided to treat as currency until actual currency appears.
My agent is calm. I am learning that calm can be a professional weapon. She says the responses are useful, that the book is being read, that the right editor will understand how to publish it. I believe her on Mondays, Wednesdays, and alternate Saturdays.
The strange thing is that I remain excited. Every envelope returning means the work was somewhere. It occupied a desk. It interrupted a person. It made someone formulate a sentence in reply. This is not success, but it is no longer invisibility.
I have started a new list beside the old one: places still possible. It is longer than the list of defeats. For now, that is enough fuel.